And it was ugly. Actually it wasn’t that bad. I’ve been really tired lately. These morning workouts, while my idea, have been kicking my butt. Yesterday was no exception. Before I tell you the positives that snuck into my brain while plodding along on the treadmill, let me comment on my fails.
I was irritated by the time I got there. It’s my issue that I let another person’s chaos affect me. I acknowledge it and I’m working on it but it’s still picks up a big stick and pokes me in the ribs from time to time. You would think this would motivate me right? Nope, my brain made it an excuse for me not to be there. Well it tried. I fought the temptation to quit with moderate but successful effort. “I’m on a treadmill rows behind Kay, she won’t see that I just walked today.” “Ugh. I so don’t want to be here today.” “This day is already turning out sucky, quitting won’t make it worse.” It was 8am! Way to set up the day. But I’ve noticed this sick sense of guilt or absence when I miss more than a day of exercise. What the heck is that? They have to have a medication for it, right? So I used that as an argument to stay, I’d feel badly for it later.
I watched Kay practice not spilling her Chi in front of me so I slowly and reluctantly hit the speed button. I ran slow. S.L.O.W. Slow. Like 5 mph for the first mile. And I was sweating up a storm, which is weird but that morning my hands and feet were a little swollen so maybe I was hanging onto some extra fluid. So fun to be a woman. After a mile I stopped. Still stewing. Still trying to figure out how to get out of it. I slowly cranked up the speed again after a minute, then slowed it back down to tie my shoe, then sped it back up but my shoe was too tight now. “SEE! You shouldn’t be here today, it’s all going to sh!t!” “Stop!” “Get off!” “ABORT! ABORT!” And there was Kay and her ponytail swishing up ahead of me. “Crap.” Speed up to 5.2, the phone rings. It’s the site coordinator for our Bountiful Basket pick-up. My husband had forgotten part of our basket (which I hate to admit was one of the things on my list of irritants but it was *blush* because I told him before he left for it and he had a receipt, he was just so excited they were ready early he forgot about it) and the volunteers hadn’t caught it but she did. I slowed down, we chatted for a minute or two, I hung up and refocused. I had just over 18 minutes left for my work out, that was just enough time to get in what I needed to run to have a total run time of 3 miles. I finished it out. Slowly 5.1-5.4 depending on the moment, but I finished it out. Not the best of days but I’m counting it a victory because I went and I stayed.
The positives, I went and I stayed. Obviously that counts as one. I also noticed that my legs felt stronger. (Is it the spinning?) Don’t get me wrong, I’m nowhere near that imaginary runner’s high they talk about; and there’s no way I could do the 10K today but it made me excited for hiking this summer. Is that a weird leap from running to hiking? It gave me just a nudge of confidence. In line with the ChiRunning, which gives you way too much to think about (I spill my Chi all over the place), I noticed I was getting more rotation in my pelvis and low back. Maybe the tightness is loosening. The biggest positive was arguing back when my negative brain spoke up. I let it win too often. I have to quiet it before my first sprint tri. That is what my eyes are resting on. I need to finish it. Not for anyone else. Not at the front of the pack, I’m fine with being last. I just need to show up and finish it.
Tomorrow is spinning and the beginning of week 3 of the 10K program, they say I’ll run 3.5 miles next Saturday. I’ll let you know how that works out. : )