Premature Ventricular Contractions

I have them. I was told by the cardiology tech that it’s basically an extra beat of the heart, usually perceived as a skip or a flutter.  Actually most people don’t feel them at all and it’s fairly common to have them according to my doctor. I have more than what is typical, or I was anyway, but there isn’t much you can do for them. The medications they can give you may or may not work and they come with their own dirty list of side effects so I’d rather live with them.  As far as I know they won’t kill me.

When I feel them they  feel like a small (sometimes not so small) punch in the chest. Sometimes my knees buckle a little bit, probably because it takes me by surprise. I’ve noticed that as I increase miles or try to speed up I have an adjustment period where they will come with more frequency but eventually they will decrease in occurrence again.

Why am I talking about this today?  I’m having a bad hair day and I felt a pretty strong one during the run at the triathlon. I didn’t have PVCs before I started using Ro.gaine for my alopecia.  Maybe I had them but didn’t feel them and the timing is all coincidental.  To be clear, I don’t blame the makers of Ro.gaine for them. I can read a label, I know that every medication comes with risks even if they aren’t listed or common.  And even though I think there is a connection that doesn’t mean there is.  I could have been having them all along.  I don’t use it anymore, not only because of the PVC’s, which reduced greatly in frequency after I stopped using it, but because it was a chore to use. Although my husband told me that it’s marketed for men so odds are I didn’t have to be as anal about following the directions as I was.  Whatever, I was trying to save the hair on my head not grow it on my forehead or ears.

In the 3 years since we discovered I was losing my hair and got the diagnosis I have watched my hairline recede anywhere from 1/4″ to 1/2″ depending upon where along my hairline you’re looking.   I’ve lost somewhere between 15-20% of my thickness.  I shaved it regularly for about a year then grew it out a little for a little over a year until I was analyzing how much I was losing again and now it’s shaved again.  After I rocked a pink mohawk for the Warrior Dash of course.

I haven’t felt like hiding since I shaved it the first time over 2 years ago. I had a period where I had to get used to people looking at me weird for having a shaved head in a the land of bump-its or people calling me sir which wasn’t a huge deal considering it had happened before because, if I am completely honest, even with hair I am built like my dad not my mom. All rhino no gazelle in this body. I didn’t even get a nice rack in an attempt to balance it all out. Damn you genetic dice! But I didn’t obsess so it was worth it.  And holy cow, morning primping is quick and camping feels so much cleaner.

I’m not sure what triggered me today. I’m not sure what is making me want to ball up with this stupid lump in my throat over something as, let’s face it, trivial as hair. But here I am. Stuck. I think I had hoped that all of this exercise and stalled weight loss would help regulate a metabolic condition my doctors told me was nothing, omitting that it can cause alopecia, increase my risk of diabetes, heart disease and certain cancers. (Which is why I now the crap out of everything.) Of course we were focused on building a family so I’m not sure what they could have done medically during that time anyway but I could have (maybe but probably not) worked harder on the emotional eating. All this extra “I feel like a failure because I have a broken baby maker” weight compounds the problem by throwing off my hormones even more and holy crap it’s all a mess in there now and I will be Red’s twin sister one day soon!! It’s not helping.  Who knows, maybe if I get the next 20 off that will be the magic number and things will balance out. Or I’m just screwed. Today I’m feeling defeated. Mostly by myself because for the love of god, it is JUST HAIR. Just hair.  When the hubs gets home I’ll throw on a bandanna so I don’t have to get the double takes as I walk into the ladies gym and I’ll pound out some miles to some really loud music and hope that I shake this off because in the grand scheme of things it’s such a small thing.

I’m going to try to figure out how to deactivate comments for this one. I’m not posting it for a love fest…or a hate fest, I know that it’s just whining.  I just needed to work it out.


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